PREAMBLE

Welcome back to the Sheridan Centre for E-gaming Excellence in beautiful downtown Charlottetown.  The crowd  is anxiously awaiting  the return of our two contenders as the halftime show comes to end.   

You’re probably wondering: “Halftime show after 5 rounds in a 12 round bout? What’s up with that?” Well, you’re not alone. We just returned from the Boxing Federation booth with the scoop.

The Judge was hurting pretty bad after the 5th round, and the Ref was just about to call the match – arguing the Judge couldn’t see straight with his bad eye – but the Judge apparently found a loophole in the Boxing Federation Regulations allowing him to call an emergency halftime after 5 rounds.  Way to stay alive Judge! Only seven more rounds.

And just when I thought the night couldn’t get any weirder, when I got back to the broadcast booth Howard Cosell had disappeared.  While I  sat there looking around whispering “Howard?” (hoping no one saw me talking to myself like a lunatic, wondering what I was going to do for a fill-in as the Judge and General reentered the ring) my cell phone suddenly rang with “private number” beside a vibrating purple grape – like I said, “weirder”:

Me:   “Hello! Whose this?

Me: “Don Cherry!” You’re kiddin me….Don Cherry? “

Cherry: “I was live streaming the first 5 rounds and I was sending you a big donation and noticed your phone number, and just wanted to call and tell ya “You’re doin good kid….that’s some pretty entertaining  writing about something that seems pretty darned important to you guys down there….so thumbs up!”

Me: “Well Thanks Don…that means a lot to me.”   Then without really thinking, I blurted out: “Cosell’s disappeared/”  Before realizing what I’d done, Cherry jumped in…

Cherry: “Coach’s E-corner! Coach’s E-corner! – ya know I’m lookin for a new gig.” 

Me: “Well that’s a generous offer Don, but what d’ya know about e-gaming in PEI?”

Cherry: “It’s some kind of traditional PEI word game isn’t it, where ya… ya know… ya  try to find slots or spaces to create words you can stick a letter “e” on the end of or something …..it’s got some connection to Anne of Green Gables…ahh…don’t get me going on  “Anne with an ‘e’ “.  I always said there’s something’s wrong with that girl…scared to death someone might spell her first name without an “e” – constantly reminding people  “It’s Anne with an ‘e’ —  It’s Anne with an ‘e’ ”  I’m tellin ya….that’s not normal.  Listen – I don’t want to offend anyone, but that last letter  “e” is totally silent and everyone was illiterate back then in PEI and didn’t write anyhow so what’s the big deal.  But hey,  don’t get me wrong, “e” is one of my two favorite sounds – the other one’s “hock” .  I’m just saying….. there’s TWO WAYS to spell Ann(e) and they both sound EXACTLY THE SAME! If you people want to sit around  playing  “e” games before the altar of your fictitious, neurotic little redheaded folk hero – well, by all means….knock yourselves out.”

Me: “Hmm” I thought. “This could be fun.”

So I  transferred remote keyboard access to Cherry, wished him luck, and called it a day.  I’ll check in tomorrow – I don’t have the nerve to watch!

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Well, the Judge and the General probably never thought they’d be dukin it out in the public square when they were penning those respective e-gaming reports in the solace of their private offices…but here we are!  And there’s the bell.

ROUND #6.  Both CMT and Simplex worked on the Loyalty Card Program – which company had the “Contract” with the PEI Government?

O.K….Let me get this straight. The General says there never was a contract for the Loyalty Card Program.  The Judge says  there was  a contract with that British company but not CMT.

Does the Judge have that contract? Hold on, hold on – someone’s talkin in my ear. They’re telling me  the Judge DOES NOT have a copy of any contract on the Loyalty Card Program.

You’ve gotta be kiddin me! You’d think this guy was a former President of the PEI Liberal Party or something……”what’s that?”…..Geez Louise…..now they’re telling me he actually was!   DING DING DING. Round 7.

Round #7.  Was Gary Scales a Government “Agent”  & “E-gaming Project Manager”? 

O.K., what the hell is going on with you people? Just because you live in the “cradle on the waves” doesn’t mean you have to be asleep all the time.

I first heard of e-gaming 30 minutes ago and I can see what’s going on! Look … the Judge  doesn’t want to see documents. That’s obvious. The General wanted to see lots more documents and was denied access on bogus legal grounds.  The General wanted to find out the truth – the Judge doesn’t. That tells you a lot right there folks!

The Judge is thinking to himself: “Sure, I know….Islanders paid for everything, but you know what? I think I’m gonna let Gary and the boys keep things secret. They worked so hard to set it up so they could.” 

The General is absolutely right: SOLICITOR/CLIENT PRIVILEGE DOESN’T EXTEND TO PROJECT MANAGEMENT. – I’m a hockey coach and even I know that. 

Hold on a sec….they’re yappin in my ear again.  Now they’re telling me the Judge used to be Partners with Gary Scales in the same law firm.  Am I being “pranked”?   Ron MacLean better not be hiding in back? {nervously looks around searching for cameras}…And there’s the bell! 

Round #8: :That’s All She Wrote!”………or “She Wrote it All.”

I gotta tell ya….that was a thing of beauty: a double one-two, one-two establishing some interesting conflict of interest situations with what looks like two of the main e-gaming secret society buds: Chris LeClair and Billy Dow.  And…the….judge….said….. nothing. Just stood there, arms dangling by his sides, taking the blows.

That’s what can happen when you let your guard down – you say absolutely nothing about a few important issues that might get your friends in trouble, hoping no one will notice. Then you challenge someone like the General to a public fight and – lo and behold – you suddenly realize at least one person noticed.  You get a one-two, one-two…..and you’re down for the count.

[ONE} Look, I’ve only got a couple of minutes left while the Ref counts it out – he’s not getting up from that in 9 –  so I’m gonna let you guys know what I think you’re dealing with here: [Two] A few goons thought they’d make a killin from e-gaming and set up a  “secret” file” outside the normal framework of your provincial government, [Three] paid the law firm 100% of their project management “fees”  from the public purse,then screwed up big time by getting caught, then the government got sued, [Four] and now the Government and the Judge are obviously both trying to keep the bodies buried. [FIVE] If the Judge was playing hockey he’d be “benched”[SIX] but since he’s already on the bench, you’re going to have to find another place for him [SEVEN]. Screw up in hockey, you get taken off the ice; [EIGHT] Screw up in the Supreme Court, you get put on ice. [NINE}.  Nice touch General. Freezing him out like that!

AND THE WINNER IS, BY UNANIMOUS DECISION, THE GENERAL!

EPILOGUE: The Judge has crawled up the ropes and is back on his feet, shaking his head in disbelief. He’s pacing back-and-forth demanding a rematch.  The General has just announced her retirement from the ring. The Judge may not have long to wait for another crack at Liberal fame and glory.  He has a match on the books soon-to-be scheduled with three PEI Supreme Court of Appeal Judges relying on the same Ruling.

Special thanks to Don Cherry for filling in on such short notice for this episode.

From all of us here at ringside – Goodnite.